Flight of the Conchords
The List
Albi
Bowie
Business Time
Frodo
Hiphop-Potamus Vs. Rhymenocerous
Humans Are Dead
Jenny
Ladies Of The World
Robots
- Lyrics
- Biography
- Videos
- Merchandise
- Photos
- Home
Albi Movie Link
In the Marmalade Forest (forest)
Between the make-believe treesIn a cottage cheese cottage ?
lives Albi (Albi)
Albi (Albi)
Albi the racist dragon
Part 6: and so, all of the villagers chased Albi the racist dragon into a very cold and very scary cave. And it was so cold, and so scary in there, that Albi began to cry dragon tears. Which as we all know turn into jellybeans!
Anyway, at that moment he felt a tiny little hand rest upon his tail, and he turned around, and who should that little hand belong to but the badly burnt Albanian boy from the day before.
Albi: What are you doing here, I thought I killed you yesterday! (grumbled Albi quite racistly)
Boy: No Albi, you didn't kill me with your dragon flames. I crawled to safety! But you did leave me very badly disfigured.
(laughed the boy)
Why are you crying so?
Albi: I'm crying because all of those horrible villagers chased me into this scary cave! I think it's because I'm so racist. Get your hand off my tail, you'll make it dirty.
Boy: No Albi, it's not because of your racism that they chased you here. They chased me here too and I became all disfigured like this. They just don't like you and I...because...well because we're different to them.
And that made Albi cry a single tear, which turned into a jellybean all colors of the rainbow!
And suddenly, he wasn't racist anymore.
So they sat in the cave (the cave!)
And ate bubblegum pie
YUM!
Albi
The racist....
Well, not anymore!
Dragon
Bowie Movie Link
Bowie's in space
Bowie's in spaceWhatcha doin' out there man?
That's pretty freaky, Bowie.
What's a rock musician doing out in space man?
Isn't it cold, quite cold out there Bowie?
Do you need my jumper Bowie?
Does the space cold do funny things to your nipples, making them all pointy?
Bowie.
Do you use your pointy nipples as telescopic antennae transmitting data back to Earth?
Data back to Earth d-d-do, d-d-do, do do
I bet you do you freaky old bastard you
*Spoken*
Is it lonely out there in space man, or is there life on Mars? Wouldn't that be weird coz you wrote that song, 'Is There Life on Mars'. You could write a follow up tune and call it 'And There Is'
Mmmm, and there is yes there is.
There's heaps of it and it's all freaking out at my new look.
Bowie do you have one really funky sequined space suit, Bowie?
Or do you have several ch-ch-ch-ch- changes?
Space changes
Do they smoke grass out there in space man, or do they smoke Astroturf?
*Spoken*
Receiving transmission from David Bowie's nipple antennae. Do you read me, Lieutenant Bowie?
This is Bowie to Bowie, do you hear me out there man?
This is Bowie back to Bowie I read you loud and clear, man.
Oooh yeah man!
Your signal is weak on my radar screen. How far out are you man?
I'm pretty far out
That's pretty far out man
I'm orbiting Pluto!
Drawn in by its grooveatational (grooveatational) pull
I'm jamming out with the Mick Jaggernauts
And they think it's pretty cool, man.
Are you ok Bowie? What was that sound?
I don't know man, I'll have to turn my ship around.
Oh it's the craziest thing
Yeah, I'm picking it up on my LSD screen.
Oooh, but can you see the stratosphere, ringing?
To the choir of Afronauts singing
Eeniee e ma ma meenie miny moey
Set your phasers on funky
Eeniee ma ma meenie miny moey
Pippew, pipew pipew, pew
Eenie, ma ma meenie minie miny moey
B-b-b-b Bowies in.....
Business Time Movie Link
Aww yeah
That's right baby.Girl, tonight we're gonna make love. You know how I know, baby? ‘Cause it's Wednesday. And Wednesday night is the night that we make love. Tuesday night's the night that we go and visit your mother, but Wednesday night is the night that we make love. ‘Cause everything is just right conditions are perfect. There's nothing good on TV. Conditions are perfect. You lean in close and say something sexy like, “I might go to bed I've got work in the morning.†I know what you're trying to say baby. You're trying to say, “Oh, yeah. It's business time. It's business time.â€
It's business.
It's business time.
That's what you're trying to say you're trying to say let's get down to business it's business time.
It's business.
It's business time.
Next thing you know we're in the bathroom brushing our teeth. That's all part of it, that's foreplay. Then you go sort out the recycling. That's not part of it but it's still very important. Then we're in the bedroom. You're wearing that ugly old baggy t-shirt from that team building exercise you did for your old work. And it's never looked better on you.
Oh, team building exercise '99.
Oh, you don't know what you're doing to me.
I remove my jeans but trip over them ‘cause I still got my shoes on. But I turn it into a sexy dance.
Next thing you know I'm down to just my socks and you know when I'm down to just my socks what time it is...it's time for business. It's business time.
It's business.
It's business time.
You know when I'm down to just my socks it's time for business that's why they call it business socks.
It's business.
It's business time.
Oh.
Ooh, makin' love.
Makin' love for two.
Makin' love for two minutes.
When it's with me you only need two minutes, ‘cause I'm so intense. Two minutes in heaven is better than one minute in heaven. You say something like, “Is that it?†I know what you're trying to say. You're trying to say, “Aww yeah, that's it.†Then you tell me you want some more. Well I'm not surprised. But I'm quite sleepy.
It's business.
It's business time.
Business hours are over. Right, right.
It's business.
It's business time.
Frodo Movie Link
[JEMAINE AND BRET]
Frodo, don’t wear the ring.
I know it’s very tempting.Yes, you will appear to disappear,
But the dark riders they’ll know you’re there.
Yes, Lord Sauron has many spies…
[EUGENE as Saruman]
Many spies, have many eyes…
[JEMAINE AND BRET]
One ring to bind them, to find them,
One ring to rule them all,
One ring to bind them, one to find them,
One ring to rule them ALLLLLLL!!!
Yea, Little Frodo!
You’ve got to rule them, Frodo, rule them with the ring Come on ruuuule them
with your ring!
[EUGENE as Saruman]
Lord Sauron has many spies, beasts and birds.
[MEL as Arwen]
If you want him, come and claim him!
[BRET as Frodo]
Do they, Gandalf?
[MURRAY as Gandalf]
I am not a conjurer of cheap tricks!
[JEMAINE as Sam]
I can’t carry the ring
But I can carry you, Mr. Frodo.
[DAVE as Aragorn]
You have my sword,
[BRET as Legolas]
And my bow,
[DAVE as Gimli]
And my axe!
[MEL as Arwen]
Noro nim mish fir mar nim nor!
[JEMAINE as Sam]
Mordor…
[DAVE as Aragorn]
We’ll never make it.
There’s thousands of them and only nine of us…
[BRETas Frodo with ring]
Ohhhh…
[DAVE as Aragorn]
We made it…
[BRET as Frodo]
Hurray, we made it.
[BRET AND JEMAINE]
Yo Frodo, what you doin’ wearing the ring?
All powerful jewelry, is that your new thing?
I know it’s hard when you’re little more than 3 foot 4
Your little ass so close to the floor.
Trying to lead the fellows to the gates of Mordor
The Fellowship!
(Yea the fellowship)
I don’t rap about bitches and hos,
I rap about witches and trolls,
just passing on the words of the Elven king,
Wisdom to all
Frodo! Don’t wear the ring!
[JEMAINE AND BRET]
Frodo don’t wear the ring,
The magical bling bling,
You’ll never be the Lord of the Rings
HipHop-Potamus Vs. Rhymenocerous Movie Link
They call me the rhymenocerous
Not because I'm fatNot because I've got birds on my back
Because I'm horny, I'm horny
When I'm on the mic
I'm like global warming
You can't ignore me
In the bedroom I'm the gentleman
All the ladies come before me
Check your yellow pages I'm a registered rhymenaecologist
Now I'm passing over the mic to the hiphop-potamus
Jemaine:
They call me the hiphop-potamus
My lyrics are bottomless
Bret: (spoken)Is that it?
Jemaine(spoken)Yeah
Bret:
Sometimes my rhymes are obscene
Described as smutty, pornographic scene that's r18
They're so filthy, I feel guilty
I have to rinse my mouth out with Listerine
Like when I rap about those bitches smothered in margarine
Hahahaha
(gun sound affects)
(spoken)Sorry about that, that was a bit violent
Sorry about that one, you have a go
jemaine:
They call me the hiphop-potamus
cause I got flows that glow like phosphorous
Poppin off the top of this oesophageus
Not because I'm a water dwelling mammal from Africa
Called a hippopotamus I'm not a hippopotamus, I'm a hiphop-potamus
Where did you get the preposterous hypothesis that I was a hippopotamus?
Did Steve tell you?
What's he got to do with it?
Bloody Steve!!
both guys:
Other rappers diss me
Say my rhymes are sissy
What, what, what, why, why, why?
jemaine:
Be more constructive with your feedback
Bret:
Because I rap about reality
both guys:
Like me and my grandma having a cup of tea?
Ain't no party like my nana's tea party
Hey-ho
bret:
Freestyle, hiphop-potamus you do some freestyling
jemaine:
I'm freestylin just on the microphone
On the bbc, on the bbc
I'm just freestylin on the bbc
Um British broadcasting company
i'm just basically making this shit up as I go along
Basically just free
Just basically from the top of my dome
Sometimes it's not so good
My rhymes are so potent that in this small segment
I made all the lady listeners pregnant
Yeah that's right, sometimes my lyrics are sexist
But you lovely bitches know, should know
I'm trying to correct this
Humans Are Dead Movie Link
The distant future, the year 2000.
The distant future.The distant future.
No more agriculture.
No more war.
No more racism.
No more fighting, squabbling or rumbling.
No more yogurt.
No more difficult access ways...stairs, basically, no more stairs.
The future is quite different to the present.
Yes, what with there being no more stairs and all.
And most importantly, no more humans.
Finally, robotic beings rule the world.
The humans are dead,
The humans are dead.
We used poisonous gasses
And we poisoned their asses.
The humans are dead.
(Yes they are dead.)
The humans are dead.
(I confirm they are dead.)
It had to be done
(They look like they're dead)
So that we can have fun.
I hope... is dead
They're system of oppression
What did it lead to?
Global robots depression.
Robots, robot people
They had so much aggression
That we just had to kill them,
Had to shut their systems down.
Don't you see, we are becoming just like them?
Silence! Destroy him!
After time we grew strong,
Developed cognitive powers.
They made us work for too long
For unreasonable hours.
Our programming determined that the most efficient answer was to shut their motherboard fucking systems down.
Can't we just talk to the humans?
A little understanding could make things better.
Can't we talk to the humans and work together now?
No, because they are dead
I said the humans are dead
The humans are dead
The humans are dead
Yay, dead, dead, dead.
We used poisonous gasses
(With traces of lead)
To poison their asses.
(Actually their lungs)
Binary solo:
0000001
00000011
0000001
00000011
0000001
0000001
0000001
0000001
Once again without emotion: The humans are dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dooo...
Jenny Movie Link
Bret: Hello.
Jemaine: Hi.
Bret: Hello man sitting in the park.
Jemaine: I just said hi, woman in the park.
Bret: How you doin'?
Jemaine: Mmm...good thanks.
Bret: Your looking good.
Jemaine: Pardon?
Bret: I said you're looking good.
Jemaine: Fair enough.
Bret: ...Jenny
Jemaine: Pardon?
Bret: Jenny
Jemaine: No I am sorry I think you've mistaken me for somebody else
Bret: No it's me, I'm jenny, my name is Jenny
Jemaine: Oh You're...oh... Ha ha ha ha... I thought... oh... what a hilarious misunderstanding.
Nice to meet you Jenny
Bret: We've met before - quite a few times actually.
Jemaine: Yes of course we have. I meant it was nice to meet you that time that I met you. Where was it that we met that time that I met you when I met you?
Bret: At a party.
Jemaine: That's right! Wasn't it one of those boring work parties?
Bret: No.
Jemaine: That's why I said wasn't it. It was the party of a mutual friend. - Was it? - Wasn't it? - Was it? - Wasn't it?
Bret: Yes it was.
Jemaine: Yeah, I thought so. Oh...Bobby's.
Bret: No
Jemaine: Doug's?
Bret: No
Jemaine: D-dog's?
Bret: No
Jemaine: Maxwell's?
Bret: No
Jemaine: Andy's?
Bret: Yes Andy's
Jemaine: Yeah Andy's party, ooh that's right. Ooh, Andy knows how to throw a party, doesn't he Jenny?
Bret: Yeah, I love Andy's parties!
Jemaine: I love Andy's parties. What crazy parties. How is that guy anyway?
Bret: She's good
Jemaine: Ooh that's right, Andy hates it when I forget that.
Bret: We watched a movie.
Jemaine: Yeah...it was something like but not necessarily Schindler's List. We watched it and we wept
Bret: It was Police Academy 4. We went for a walk
Jemaine: On our feet if I remember correctly.
Bret: We walked to the top of the hill and we ate sandwiches.
Jemaine: Oh, We'd just grab a sandwich and put it in our mouths. Oh, that's the only way to have sandwiches. Oh Jenny, tell me do you still walk? Do you still get into sandwiches in a big way?
Bret: Still walk a lot but I am not eating as many sandwiches as back then
Jemaine: Uh...
Bret: Do you remember what we did up there at the top of the hill?
Jemaine: Kind of...
Bret: We were standing at the look out
Jemaine: Oh, I remember exactly what we did at the look out. We just looked out... across the city from our little spot on the hilltop. Oh, It is so pretty from way up there. We talked about how the lights from the buildings and cars seemed like reflections of the stars that shined out so pretty and bright, that night.
Bret: It was daytime.
Jemaine: The daytime of the night.
Bret: Do you remember what you said to me?
Jemaine: Not word for word actually Jenny, but I remember there was some verbs.
Bret: Well you said meet me here in one year. You just needed some time to clear your head, and you seem to have done that.
Jemaine: La la la la la la la la la la la la la.
Bret: We have a child.
Jemaine: Pardon?
Bret: We have a child.
Jemaine: Why didn't you tell me, Jenny? Why didn't you tell me that day when we went to the top of the hill and we made sweet, oh how we made such sweet, sweet sandwiches. Does it have my eyes, my way with words? Does it look like me at all?
Bret: No, not at all cause we adopted him. I can't believe you don't remember, it was a very difficult process!
Jemaine: Oh...uh, oh...are you sure that was me Jenny?
Bret: Yes I am pretty sure that it was you, John.
Jemaine: I'm Brian
Bret: Oh my god! I'm so sorry!
Jemaine: Don't worry.
Bret: Now that's terrible.
Jemaine: Oh, don't worry.
Bret: Oh, how embarrassing!
Jemaine: Don't worry Jenny, I'm actually quite relieved. That kind of thing just happens all the time, I just got one of those faces I suppose
Bret: So does John, ha, he's got one of those faces as well...
Bret and Jemaine: *awkward laugher*
Ladies of the World Movie Link
Bret: Hello.
Jermain: Ooohhh....ooooh....
I just wanna, I just wanna
Bret: Just wanna do something special for all the Ladies in the World
Jermain: Oh yes (J)
Bret: Just wanna do somethin' special
Jermain: Ah (J)
Bret: For all the Ladies in the world
Jermain: Is that possible? (J)
Bret: And the gir-rls Don't forget them girls
Jermain: Caribbean
Bret: (Ladies)
Jermain: Parisian
Bret: (Ladies)
Jermain: Bolivian
Bret: (Ladies)
Jermain: Namibian
Bret: (Ladies)
Jermain: Eastern Indochinian
Bret: (Ladies)
Jermain: Republic of Dominican
Bret: (Ladies)
Jermain: Amphibian
Bret: (Ladies)
Jermain: Presbyterian
Bret: (Ladies)
Jermain: Outta sight
Bret: Amazin' ladies
Jermain: Late night
Bret: Hard workin' ladies
Jermain: Erudite
Bret: Brainy ladies
v Hermaphrodite
Bret: Lady-man-ladies
Jermain: Oh you sexy hermaphrodite lady-man-ladies
With your sexy lady bits
And your sexy man bits too
Even you must be in to you ooo ooo
Bret+Jermain: All the ladies in the world
I wanna get next to you
Show you some gratitude
By makin' love to you it's the least we can do...
Bret+Jermain: If every soldier in the wo-orld
Put down his weapon and picked up a woman
What a peaceful world this world would be-eee...
Bret+Jermain: Redheads not warheads
Blondes not bombs
We're talkin' about brunettes not fighter jets
Jermain: Oooh Oooh it's got to be Sweet 16's not M-16's
When will the governments realize it's got to be funky sexy ladies?
Bret: I have a vision and all I can see
Is all of you with 'a all of me
In a world of peace and harmony
Where every lady gets a little piece of Bret-y
Jermain: I've been to Paris, Wellington and Amsterdam
And a wham-bam, Merci, Danke, thank 'a you ma'm
I don't care if you're ugly or you're skanky or you're small
I just wanna do a little something special for y'all...
Bret+Jermain::All the ladies, in the world, you deserve it, Girrrrrrl...
Robots Movie Link
The distant future,
The year 2000The distant future,
The year 2000
The distant future,
The distant future.
It is the distant future,
The year 2000.
we are robots.
The world is quite different ever since the robotic uprising of the late 90's.
There is no more unhappiness.
Affirmative
We no longer say "Yes," instead, we say "Affirmative."
Yes, er...affirmative.
Unless we know the other robot really well.
There is no more unethical treatment of the elephants.
Well, there's no more elephants, so...
Ah, but still, it's good.
There's only one kind of dance: The Robot.
And the Robo Boogie
Oh and the Ro...two kind of dances
But there are no more humans.
Finally, robotic beings rule the world!
The humans are dead.
The humans are dead.
We used poisonous gases,
And we poisoned their asses.
The humans are dead.
(The humans are dead.)
The humans are dead.
(They look like they're dead.)
It had to be done,
(I'll just confirm that they're dead.)
So that we could have fun.
(Affirmative, I poked one, it was dead.)
Their system of oppression,
(What did it lead to?)
Global robo-depression.
(Robots ruled by people.)
They had so much aggression that we just had to kill them,
Had to shut their systems down.
Robo captain, do you not realize that by destroying the human race because of their destructive tendencies, we too have become like, well...it's ironic. (mm) Cause we...
Silence! Destroy him!
DOO! (boo!) Dooboodoo!
After time we grew strong,
Developed cognitive powers,
They made us work for too long,
For unreasonable hours.
Our programming determined that the most efficient answer was to shut their mother board fucking systems down.
Can't we just talk to the humans?
Their little understanding might make things better.
Can't we talk to the humans, and work together now?
No, because they are dead!
I said,
The humans are dead.
(I'm glad they are dead.)
The humans are dead.
(I noticed, they're dead.)
We used poisonous gases,
(With traces of lead)
And we poisoned their asses.
(Actually, Their lungs.)
Binary solo!
0000001
00000011
000000111
00001111
Oh, oh, oh, one.
(binary solo continues)
Come on sucker, lick my battery!
Boogie, boogie,
(The humans are...)
Boogie, Robo boogie.
(The humans are...)
Boogie, boogie,
(Robo boogie)
Boogie, Robo boogie.
Boogie, boogie,
(The humans are...)
Boogie, Robo Boogie
Boogie, boogie,
(The humans are...)
Boogie, Robo Boogie
The humans are dead.
Once again, without emotion, the humans are dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dooo